Every day at the exact time,
you make your way to your kitchen
to prepare satisfaction to our hunger.
You take the hard earned money
out of the refrigerator
and create something mouthwatering.
This is where everything
needs to be your way--
Where you can be the boss.
The scent waltzes in the air
finding its way to our senses,
and we all forget
about everything.
I drop my pencil, She logs off
the computer, he turns off the TV.
The timer rings.
It is the only time when we come together,
When we are a real family--
Instead of all of the time.
I like the lines, "You take out the hard earned money out of the refrigerator", but I think it would read better if you took out the word out (ha, ha) the first time. So, "You take the hard earned money out of the refrigerator."
ReplyDeleteI also think it would be nice if you had a stanza that explains what the speaker and his/her family forgets after you say "and we all forget about everything."
Clarify if your speaker is happy that they are able to come together for once at dinner, or if they're sad/mad that they can't ever be a real family except at dinner...I don't know. Just suggestions! I like the idea you came up with. Niiiiiiiice :) It's so cool to see all these different poems with different ideas yet the same title.
Thank you! I took your advice and I was wondering if you could look at it now and let me k now what you think! (:
DeleteIt was very rude of Tia to take my advice from me. I agree with the "double-out" (which has now vanished). It is a great metaphor.well done with that one.
DeleteStanza 5 is well-paced.
Great last line.
Thank you very much (:
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